Meet, Fall in Love, Fight, Break Up, Repeat

I recently went on a couple of dates with a guy that made me feel something that I hadn't felt in years. When I became conscious of the feeling, I knew immediately what it was - the beginnings of infatuation. And as I sat across from this dude who made me feel excited and comfortable and understood in a way that I couldn't imagine feeling again two years ago after a sad break up, I began to see some striking similarities between this guy and the one who broke my heart. It was kind of weird, and very revealing. The "new" guy didn't end up working out, but finding someone like him (again) got me thinking. A couple of years ago I read something about how people end up dating the same type of person over and over again. I think most people are completely oblivious to the fact that they do this, and they keep making the same mistakes over and over again. When things don't work out for the hundredth time, they blame the other person, timing, circumstance - but not themselves. They don't stop to wonder what it is about themselves that makes them seek out people who will ultimately not be right for them.

I have no illusions of finding someone completely different to what I'm naturally drawn to, or finding someone perfect - but I do think that I've changed enough over the years that I will find someone who's a better match for me than the last guy I fell in love with. After that ex-boyfriend broke up with me, I knew there were things about him that led to the break up - but there were also things about me that caused the falling out, too. I believe this accountability is crucial to changing and growing as a person, and I've encountered people who have no sense of it, who go from relationship to relationship, get their hearts broken and fed to them, and think to themselves after the inevitable break up, "wow, I'm glad I'm no longer with Anne - what a whack job!" and then go on to Raquel, without realizing that Raquel is just like Anne, and maybe they're the ones who should get dragged to an insane asylum, because the problem isn't Anne or Raquel or whatever other moron will come after them, but the person attracted to them. But a lot of these people stuck in relationship ruts and reruns never change, because they don't want to. They don't have the balls to acknowledge their faults and their demons, let alone do anything about it. They don't realize that whatever void they're trying to fill with their parade of idiotic girlfriends/boyfriends comes from somewhere, and it isn't going away until they deal with it. And their problems will NOT be solved by these relationships - they will only be exacerbated.

I understand that the sensation of falling in love is an insane high, and that people want it so bad they are willing to be with people who are fake, full of shit and completely incapable of loving them the way they need to be loved to get it. But while I have complete faith in finding someone that I will be crazy about again, I have enough respect for myself that I'd rather be alone then be with someone who isn't right for me just to be in a relationship - because if you do that, you've completely missed the point.

Life is so short, and it seems like you get so few chances to get it right, so why is it that people waste any part of their lives in these pointless relationships, when, if they just waited and took a good look at themselves (maybe even going to therapy) they could find something truly mind-blowing and special? They instead run into crappy relationships and throw away the opportunity of a lifetime - the chance to be in the kind of relationship that would make them grow as a person. They'd rather hang on for dear life to the same tiresome and damaging excuses that attracted them to the moronic lover in the first place.

I know that I'm fantastic, and I'm willing to wait to get into a relationship until I find someone equally as awesome, so why don't other fabulous people drop the bozos and find people who match them in their greatness?

You only live once. So don't fuck up.